Seven Big Questions About Spiritual Direction

Written By Aaron Manes

I found this article recently on Christianity Today written by Richard Foster about what Spiritual Direction was. He used seven questions to describe the actual action of spiritual direction and I really liked them so I wanted to add on to them. So each question is here with additional comments. This article is more of a personal response from me than maybe some of the other articles on my site are. I hope you enjoy!

1. Spiritual direction is an interpersonal relationship in which we learn how to grow, live, and love in the spiritual life. 

The traditional idea of Spiritual Direction is that there are three chairs in the room. These seats are for two people and the third chair is truly an invitation to the holy to come and sit in this conversation. Sometimes a conversation will be deeply personal. What I have learned in my own work with my own director is that the more I am willing to dig into, the more God shows up. Often our most private areas need light and as we work to break into some of these darker spaces tears or confession shows up. 

2. Spiritual direction involves a process through which one person helps another person understand what God is doing and saying.

I agree with Foster here but my language is different. Where he says “what God is doing and saying,” you would hear me say something like “looking and listening for God.” Another word I like is “noticing.” Honestly, all of spiritual direction is a work at noticing the things of God in the life story of someone. We often have become numb to noticing the work of God in our lives and it is not until we set intentionality in place that we begin noticing it again. 

3. Discernment is a crucial gift in the work of spiritual direction.

Discernment is a spiritual practice. For many the work of Ignatius is where they take guidance on how to discern what is next in their life. For many non-Catholics the primary voice has been the work of Henri Nouwen. For me, locating God is the beginning of discernment. Many of the holy conversations I am so privileged to be a part of, especially when it comes to discernment, are too far down the road and we must take steps to locate God, struggle with loss, deal with resentment and ask for new grace to become part of the situation before true discernment can begin. 

4. In spiritual direction there is absolutely no domination or control.

Foster nails it here. One of the funny issues as a spiritual director is the need to be on social media to promote being a spiritual director. What is true about the work of a spiritual director is that we are listeners and not necessarily pastors or communicators in the same vein that a teaching pastor would be. We are not in regular practice of putting sermons or teachings together. We are often found in holy conversations in quiet rooms listening and responding to the personal journey of someone else prayer for the divine presence of God to be made known in that space. 

So when Foster says here that there is no domination or control, he means that we are not entering the room with an agenda. I personally try to begin every session by becoming present to the conversation and invite God’s voice to be heard while we are there together. That is it. To me, it is about being present with you wherever the conversation takes us that day. 

5. The spiritual director/mentor/pastor guides another in spiritual things through the spiritual world by spiritual means.

God often reminds me - always from other people - that I am unable to walk with someone else to a place that I have not been willing to go myself. Let me say that differently. If I am closed off in my own life then I will not be of help. Strangely enough, because I meet regularly with my own spiritual director and because I work to stay in spiritual conversations with others, I am often confronted with specific issues that months later will come up in the life of someone else. I have learned to look for this and be thankful for it. It is a reminder of my calling as a spiritual director. Yes, it is hard at times for me to do the work that is mine to do in my personal life but I would rather do that work now so that I can be of service later. 

I also like to say that I am a haphazard practitioner of spiritual practices because they have all been useful in different ways and in different seasons of my life. What I like most about the spiritual practices is that they help us engage with mystery. 

6. God has ordained that there be spiritual directors/mentors/pastors among his people. This is the structure of love in practice.

That sounds so big - to say that God has ordained something. However I do feel called to this. If you know me well you know that I am not good at small talk. What has also been true is that people have always shared with me some of their biggest life stuff. From the person cutting my hair telling me about her abusive church history to the guy I bought a grill from on Facebook unprompted telling me about how he left the catholic church in his 20’s only to find God again in the Lutheran Church around the corner. For me to make these conversations make sense I had to do what Fr. Richard Rohr says - “God comes to us disguised as our lives.” My call to Spiritual Direction all came from the prompting of others and has led me here today. 

7. Supremely, spiritual directors/mentors/pastors are persons who have a sense of being "established" in God. Otherwise they are too dangerous to be allowed into the soul space of others.

To be allowed into the soul space of others is a privilege for me. Recently a spiritual teacher I follow received some negative accusations and it was a real reminder for me to not take this work lightly. I like to check my calendar every night so I know what is coming up for the next day. As I read the names of the person I will be meeting with I try to dwell on them for a while. In the morning of the day of, I also like to keep them on my mind so that when it is time for our session, my heart is already with you. 

Read Next: What Is Spiritual Direction?